Help! Mom is being scammed and won't listen...

Hello, my mother is being scammed and I am desperate for help. My dad died last year. She met this scammer on a senior dating website. They've been communicating for over 6 months. The scammer says he is an architect working in the Philippines. He says he was born in Poland but lived all over the world and ended up living in the same U.S. city that we live now to raise his family. He claims to have one daughter who is now married with at least one child and living in the U.K. He claims to have moved away after his wife died not too long ago, and now he is doing a job in the Philippines. He has said he wants to come back to the city where live, but keeps running into obstacles. First he had to pay "taxes" of some sort on the building he designed. Then he had to go through a long process to get back into the U.S., which apparently is not done yet and requires a "very expensive" medical exam. Most recently he ended up in the hospital needing surgery and now has medical bills. My mom says he has never asked for money, and that she has never sent him money, but I'm not sure I believe her on either account. He keeps claiming that he is coming to see her very soon, and she recently told me that she loves him. He has given her enough believable details that she really thinks he's real - like what high school his daughter went to, and where he lived when he lived near her. Their relationship has been almost exclusively via text message, although she also told me recently that she had spoken to him on the phone. He often says he loses "signal" when he doesn't get back to her quickly, or as an excuse why he can't talk on the phone. For awhile, he also said his phone would only let him do text messages. I only have one email that she forwarded to me that the scammer sent her. It is below, and as you can see, he does not put a space after any punctuation, which I think is very odd. I also only have one photo that the scammer has sent, and I'm sure it was stolen from a real person's social media account. Reverse image searches have been no help, and I cannot find any info on anyone using this name in other scams. I am at a complete loss for how to proceed. My mom will NOT listen to me about this. She gets incredibly angry when I tell her how skeptical I am or try to point out the red flags. She has asked me not to speak about her situation with other family members, including my brother (who also thinks this guy is a scammer). She really believes this guy, and now she says she's in love! I'm worried that she already has sent money, or will soon, even though she says she would never do that and that she knows better. And now she says she may try to go to the Philippines to see this guy! Ack! Does anyone know this scammer or someone with an identical story? Is there anything I can do to convince her? Please help!

Begin forwarded message:

From: Daniel Kowalski <[email protected]>
Subject: Dating site
Date: xxxxxxx
To: xxxxxxx

I received your message on Seniorpeoplemeet / Ourtime.com.I attached a picture of myself in this email so as to remind you of who I am.I just wanted to make sure I have the right email address.Let me know if you receive this message

Daniel

[AlanJones]

Hi peanutbutter100, welcome to Scamwarners

I am sorry for the situation that you are in with your mother, but I can confirm that she is definitely in contact with a scammer.

There are many red flags, such as the mixed/non-American heritage (to explain his accent), the working overseas (the scammer may well be in the Philippines or have someone who can receive money for him) and the many tales of woe that all generate a financial need - even if he hasn't asked for money, he is laying the foundations with all these problems.

Unfortunately, it is often very difficult to convince victims of romance scammers that they are being scammed. They will make every effort to drive a wedge between the victim and their family and make the victim emotionally dependent on them. The only thing that I can suggest is that you try speaking to local law enforcement, community or church leaders to see if they can intervene and explain to her that she is being scammed.

Thank you for your quick reply. I will work on finding other ways to get through to her.

Hi
I’m going through the same thing with my mom. Dad died one year ago so she’s lonely and vulnerable. She’s being Romance scammed by a man who says he’s from the UK and needs money to pay his taxes because he’s on house arrest. And she’s sent him thousands of dollars so he can come to Canada to marry her and make her happy. I found the man the pics were stolen from and showed them to her but she still doesn’t believe me. Were you able to convince your mom?

Welcome to Scamwarners,

You will have to gentle with this. Be ears and try to show her the evidence.

The scammer has already brainwashed her similar to domestic abuse.

He has told her not to trust family and friends because they are jealous and want to break them up.

He most likely kept her up at night waiting or replying to his messages.

She is not most likely on her eating schedule.

Contact a local Social Services agency that deals with this or your local police.

If you have the email address, name and phone number we can research it to see if we can find more.

Post the pictures he is using. Watermark them as stolen by a scammer. Do not post photo's with children or blot out the faces of children.