My heart goes out to you, I know what it feels like, I've been there. I was scammed out of thousands of £, I also believed every word my scammer said and it hits you really hard when it eventually dawns on you what's happened. You were maybe like me, I had no idea that romance scams existed, naïve maybe, but they are so good at convincing you that what they say is true. I came to my senses 6 months ago, but I missed him so much to start with and just wanted it all to be a big mistake. Your family and friends know, so you have people that you can talk to, I never told anyone apart from the police, and I really needed to talk about him and found very good support on here. Even 6 months down the line, I still think about him and want to talk to get it out of my system, but it's getting better slowly and you will too, although I don't think we'll ever forget. Just remember you're not alone in having been duped by these criminals, which is what they are.
If you would like to talk, you can PM me, I think the more people you can pour your heart out to, the better. Take care of yourself.